DMs: the stuff of dreams and nightmares

Filed under Soapbox on June 2, 2004
Tagged: Dungeon Masters, Dungeons and Dragons

We all have DM horror stories. I’m sure my players have a few about me (which they won’t post here if they now what’s good for them . . . just kidding). I thought I’d share an experience that happened over this weekend in one of my PbP games.

Let me start from the beginning with the creation and acceptance of characters. The DM had a very specific list of classes she wanted. No big deal. I can understand this for both story reasons and party balance. One of the classes needed was a paladin. So I volunteer to play a paladin of Heironeous. Nope, all paladins and clerics are to be of Pelor, the DM says. Okay, the adventure is to cleanse a temple of Pelor, so that makes sense.

So, I generate a 5th level paladin and submit it. The DM sends it back and tells me I should reconsider my Mounted Combat feat because the adventure is mostly a dungeon crawl. Good point. She also recommends I swap my short sword +2 for something that will deal more damage and add a ranged weapon. I purchase a short bow, but keep the short sword, as it is a family heirloom. I’m starting to feel the DM is a bit pushy.

After being selected, I go to the “roster” thread to see who my fellow players are. Low and behold, there are 12 accepted characters, with a couple more pending approval! I shake my head, but decide to stick around and see if the DM just expects a high body count.

The adventure starts with us all roleplaying individually entering the Duke’s castle to receive the quest. It’s quickly apparent there are some rollplayers. The first thing the guy playing the halfling rogue does when he enters the castle is try to pick pocket the first open container. Another player, who is either 9, missing some fingers, or is a non-native-english speaker, immediately rolls a spot check in the OOC thread to catch the rogue.

I do my best just to get through the mediocrity. Finally, it’s the next morning and we all go to the stables to get our mounts for the trip to the temple. The Duke has graciously provided horses for those who don’t have one. As the last person waits for a stablehand, a celestial stag suddenly leaps over the partially constructed yardwall and kneels before the character, telepathically communicating permission to ride it, as a gift from Pelor.

What!?! I suddenly detect a foul odor. Could it be DM favoritism? I have no way of proving any link between the DM and player to support this, but it just strikes me as odd. Why would Pelor send a stag? (It is later revealed by the stag that it actually was sent by Elhonna, who is also angered by the vile presence in the temple and its effects on the surrounding wilds.) This hunch is bolstered by the character’s taunt that now the paladins’ (yes, there are two of us) aren’t the only ones with special mounts.

With a sinking feeling in my stomach, we head for the temple. On the way there, the stag suddenly warns its rider of approaching danger, then summons a herd of stags from the nearby forest with a trumpet call. They surround us and face outward, forming a barrier of antlers between us and whatever is crashing through the brush. Everyone draws weapons–a few even roll initiative before the DM requests–but it’s a false alarm. Now, it looks like the DM is really a spotlight hog, which seems even more the case as we enter the temple and her NPC–one of the Duke’s guards–takes point.

I think my paladin will valiantly die in the attempt to cleanse the temple during the first encounter.

Thankfully, I’m finally getting the opportunity to join a game that I’ve been following for over half a year. The DM is very organized and roleplays every encounter. The players are also an excellent group who work well together and whose characters have distinct personalities that consistently affect their actions. There have been several moments reading along where I got choked up over the fate of one of the characters.

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